Quieting Your Inner Critic with Dr. Kara Elam - EP 021

 

 

In this episode, I dive into the topic of "Quieting Your Inner Critic" with Dr. Kara Elam, a fulfillment and success coach. We explore Kara's transition from a corporate career in public health to becoming an entrepreneur, and how she managed to silence her own inner critic along the way.

Kara shares valuable insights on balancing impact, profit, and pleasure in both our personal and professional lives. We discuss creating a healthy work culture and overcoming feelings of worthiness and imposter syndrome. Kara also introduces us to the power of the reticular activating system in manifesting our goals.

Kara's personal story of moving from a highly demanding to a fulfilling entrepreneurial life emphasizes the necessity of self-care, adventure, and enjoying life's simple pleasures!

Tune in for an enlightening discussion that will help you quiet your inner critic and find a harmonious blend of pleasure and profit in your life!

 

Takeaways

• Transitioning from a corporate career to entrepreneurship can be challenging, but it allows for more fulfillment and personal growth.
• Finding balance between impact, profit, and pleasure is crucial for a successful and fulfilling life.
• Quiet your inner critic and avoid comparing your journey to others' to maintain a positive mindset.
• Leaders should prioritize work-life balance and create a positive workplace culture to foster productivity and success.
• Imposter syndrome and feelings of unworthiness can be overcome through self-reflection, reframing beliefs, and doing the deep inner work.
• The reticular activating system plays a crucial role in manifesting goals and attracting what we focus on.
• Transitioning from a high-stress career to entrepreneurship requires bravery and a clear vision of the life you want to create.
• Finding fulfillment in life involves self-care, adventure, and enjoying simple pleasures.

 

Episode Chapters

00:00 - Introduction and Background

07:59 - Quiet Your Inner Critic and Embrace Your Journey

23:57 - Creating a Positive Workplace Culture

31:23 - Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Unworthiness

46:41 - Transitioning to Entrepreneurship and Finding Fulfillment

 

Dr. Kara Elam is dedicated to empowering high-level professionals and entrepreneurs who are ready to recognize they are worthy of their most fulfilled life. Connect with her: https://linkedtree.drkaraelam.com/drkaraelamlinktree

Feeling overwhelmed as an entrepreneur? Dr. Elam's course, Revitalize: Transforming the Overwhelmed Entrepreneur, is designed to help you regain control and thrive in your business. For more details, visit https://revitalize.drkaraelam.com/homeCourse1

 

If you’re ready to have a deeper conversation about how to maximize impact, profit and pleasure in your business and life, you can schedule a time to connect with me right here >>> 

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Episode Transcript

 

Rachel (00:02.02)

Hello and welcome to Pleasure and Profits. I'm your host, Rachel Anzalone. And today I have a brilliant guest that I'm really excited to introduce you to. Her name is Kara Elam. Kara is a fulfillment and success coach. She empowers high achievers to cultivate fulfillment without burnout.

With a passion for nurturing personal growth, she specializes in guiding her clients to unlock their full potential and go after their big, scary, audacious goals with a balanced mindset. Thank you so much for being here, Kara. I'm excited for this conversation. We were just chatting a little bit before we started recording, and I think we're going to have some great conversation.

 

Kara (00:48.32)

I think so too, because I just love you. I mean, from the moment I saw you on LinkedIn, I was like, I have to meet her. And yeah, the rest is history. And yay, I'm here.

 

Rachel (00:57.86)

I'm excited you're here. Yeah, I think we connected through a training or a group that we were in and we had a really nice chat quite a while ago. And it was really interesting at the time you were transitioning from a corporate career into entrepreneurship. And I think this is a super juicy kind of topic for women in particular. You know, once we've had these like careers, but you know, corporate career.

 

Rachel (01:25.508)

We've done some pretty exceptional things in the world to be in a place to go, you know, I've acquired all these skills and all these different areas and now I can take them and turn them into my own venture. So I would love to hear about how you got started. Like, what was the impetus for you to shift from your corporate career, which included public health work, working for the FDA? You have a PhD in health policy. You're trained in microbiology and virology. Like, what an interesting combination. How did you transition from that into the work that you're doing now?

 

Kara (01:57.856)

So let's see, I trained my whole life to be an epidemiologist, infectious disease epidemiologist, and specifically viruses. I love viruses, I could talk about them for hours. So I finished my doctorate in health policy and epidemiology, and then I get an awesome position in DC in 2018. So it's at the federal government and the Department of Health and Human Services. So I'm working there. It's in the Office of Infectious Disease Policy.

Then, and it's underneath the assistant secretary of health. So it's kind of like the assistant secretary of health. And then this office was underneath and in the headquarters that I'm there. I get brought on as a fed, which was so cool. And after a year of the fellowship and then a year later COVID hits and yeah. (Rachel: What timing for a virology specialist.) I know what timing it's like every, yes, everything I ever worked for, right? 

Like just, you know, I mean, since I was in middle school, I would read like the hot zone and all the epidemiology and there's like level four virus hunters. So that's things like Lhasa and Ebola and CDC has a whole branch in that. It's really incredible. So yeah, everything I worked for like my whole life, not that I wanted a global viral pandemic to happen, but yeah, cause there was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of suffering. 

 

Kara (03:23.008)

So, what I do want to say is that somebody who has worked their whole career to be in infectious disease research and epidemiology and viruses specifically, it was like a wow moment, you know? It's like everything we trained for. So, you know, you don't often get those wow moments. So I was working in those wow moments and I was also trying to get pregnant. 

 

Rachel (03:46.948)

Oh wow, what an interesting time to be, yeah, at that kind of at this height of your career and experience and then also trying to get pregnant.

 

Kara (03:53.888)

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. So I know I'm a little long-winded on this, so I'll try to shorten it out because I can just talk about it forever. So working to get pregnant and it wasn't happening. It wasn't happening and little did I know that, you know, even in my... They don't teach you this in grad school if you're going to grad school for infectious disease and actually they don't teach this in very many specialties either because we don't know that much about women's reproductive health as much as we should.

 

Rachel (04:22.372)

Yes. Oh my gosh, that's a whole topic. Oh my gosh. Yes.

 

Kara (04:24.992)

Oh yeah, I could go on and on because it's been such a journey and I've learned so much. So interesting, cortisol, if your cortisol is high, you won't implant. The embryo will not implant because it's from an evolutionary standpoint. If the mother is in a stressful environment, why would she want to get pregnant? Right? So I was working in a very stressful environment and we were doing amazing work. It's impactful work. Of course, it's going to be intense work.

But the way we were working was not compatible for like the well-being of a human. Even though we're in public health, and that time span and that season of COVID. And, you know, I'm not gonna say it was just the season of COVID, but sometimes you have a work culture, or many times you can have a work culture.

 

Rachel (05:09.508)

Yeah, and often we leave even when we find ourselves stressed out and having a challenging situation in one work culture, we tend to gravitate towards the same culture just at a different company. And so until you unlearn all that stuff, it's easy to just go from one crazy environment to the next. I know that I speak from experience. Yeah.

 

Kara (05:20.352)

Yeah, exactly. Yay.

 

Kara (05:25.696)

Yeah, you get it. You totally get it. One of the reasons I love you. So, where was I? Okay, let me get back. So, yeah, cortisol. So if your cortisol is high, and the environment I was working in, it was very, everybody was high achievers. It was very go. It was kind of the equivalent of a competition in who's gonna send the latest email, three in the morning, who is up the latest working on this, like that kind of culture.

 

Rachel (05:50.98)

Oh my gosh. Yeah.

 

Kara (05:54.368)

But we were getting important things done. So, you know, it's understandable, you know, the, you know, the United States taxpayers were counting on us. So, and I don't mean just taxpayers, but the United States, you know, they were counting on us. Everybody's counting on us in that time. So of course, our team was working hard. You know, I'm not gonna discount the need for us to work hard. Sometimes there are seasons where you have to work like that, but you don't have to work like that all the time. 

So we did get sent home to work from home, which is a total paradigm shift, right? Because, you know, yeah, going into the office and that being around that culture and that stress and then being home and being able to work and like, you know, work in your own environment, kind of control the situation and kind of be able to get work done. It took like so much. It was like an aha moment for me. And I was like, wow, because I could breathe. You know, it's one of those times where you're like, wow, this is, this is like working without the stress and the tense all the time and the, you know, worried about like, this project is done, what's the next national disaster? So, and then lo and behold, eight months later I got pregnant. So, yeah, yeah, so it was a total, yeah, I know, I know.

 

Rachel (07:05.22)

Wow. It's a perfect case study, right? Yep.

 

Kara (07:10.656)

Because my cortisol levels had really diminished. And then also I had taken a lot of steps in working on my nutrition and my health. I prioritized everything. The most important was us getting pregnant. And in that shift of that happening, I just realized, wow, how do I want to work? What do I want my life to look like? And how do I want to spend time with my daughter? And like, answering those hard questions made me realize that “Yes, I worked over 15 years for this career, but it's not going to fulfill me in the way that I want in terms of what I envision my life to look like in the next few years.” So that was the catalogue.

 

Rachel (07:55.492)

Yeah. And so you went on this adventure into coaching. What kind of challenges? I'm sure that you have both like the challenges of shifting from a corporate career where you're accountable to somebody else and sort of all the things that go with that into really being responsible only for yourself, but fully for yourself and how you show up and what you do and learning all these new things. So I feel like, you know, my experience and I think most people's is that there are the good things that you're like, oh my gosh, my quality of life has improved dramatically. And then there's the part where you're like, oh, if I don't go get the thing done, you know, there's no paycheck or there's this learning curve of like what it means to go find your own clients and really to like figure out where your place is and how to charge and how much to charge and sort of all of those aspects.

So I know that neuroscience is a special area of interest for you. Were there like practices you used on yourself? Like how did you get through that transition period?

 

Kara (09:03.456)

So, well, I do want, can we go back to one thing that you said, because it was incredible, the learning curve of getting clients. Like, I did not account for that, to be quite honest. I thought it was gonna be super easy. Much easier than, yeah, then it was hard. Like, I was like, I'll put up a social media post and they will just come. Like, that's, it doesn't, no, no, it doesn't work.

 

Rachel (09:07.108)

Yeah, yeah. Yes.

 

Rachel (09:29.7)

Yes. It doesn't quite work that way. Yeah.

 

Kara (09:34.208)

No, and that wasn't because I was, you know, naive. I had done a lot of research before jumping, right? So I knew what I was getting into. I'd done a lot of coach training. I had done a lot of work, Tony Robbins and Bob Proctor and Brendan Richard. But I don't think I ever, until jumping, really worked on what it means to be a “closer.” Like, because I didn't, that wasn't my gift, right? 

 

I was jumping to utilize my gift, which is like coaching and helping people to like go after their, you know, extraordinary life. And, and, but I had to learn to be a “closer” which was not something that I had accounted for in my jump.

 

Rachel (10:18.212)

I think that that is such a common experience. Like first off, I recently shared an episode with a woman who was one of my clients who also, you know, was a friend, coach, mentor, Lisa Nichols. And in it, we're talking about, like, she had a baby. And so she had a plan that she was putting a little money aside towards her dream. And after so long, she had saved up enough money that she could leave her job and then go into this business. I did not. 

 

Kara (10:46.24)

Or did I?

 

Rachel (10:47.78)

I had been running and managing businesses for years. And I was like, I know how to do this. And I just jumped in and sort of the messaging at the time, and this is quite a while ago, was like, you could hit six figures in a matter of six months if you want to. Right. And that did not happen for me. It doesn't happen for most people. So that learning curve of like, you know, just because you're good at your craft, you have all this wisdom and all these skills to bring to the table. The skills of marketing yourself of selling an offering of, you know, like that piece of it, the business leadership. You know, I've early in my days, I worked with entrepreneurs who had never managed people before. And then suddenly they have a whole team of people they're hiring. There's all these skills that come along with being a business owner and an entrepreneur that they don't teach you in your coach training program or in your wellness training program or whatever it is that you went out to do.

 

Kara (11:44.768)

No, they don't, unless they have like an extension and they're like, oh, you can also take the business acceleration probe. Yes.

 

Rachel (11:48.708)

Yes, the business side. Yeah. And yet still there's that piece of like, and you still need to just go do it. Like learning it is one thing and then practicing it over and over and over again is another.

 

Kara (12:01.472)

I 100 % agree and I did the same thing as you did. I just jumped, right? I did not. And it's not just 15 years ago, it's now, that's still the messaging. Cause I thought, I was following Lisa Zhu, or Zhu Zhan, she's incredible. She was a coach and she made $150,000 in her first three months working part-time. Why she was juggling her first job. So I was like, wow, if she can do that juggling her first job, I can certainly do that when I've already jumped and I can spend my day working. And that, yeah, you're right, that doesn't usually happen.

 

Rachel (12:34.98)

You know, there are people who can do it. What I've seen is that they usually have built a network and have already positioned themselves so that when they make that offer, the people are there waiting. Or more common, I think, often when I hear these stories, it's that they had a business and they've done this before and maybe it worked or maybe it didn't work. And in this business, they generated that revenue very quickly. But often you don't hear the story that they had three businesses before that failed, that they did some other version. They did network marketing for a decade before they then started their own business. They've had this experience that not everybody comes to the table with. And so I always feel like there's usually more behind the story than what you see in a post. Yeah.

 

Kara (13:28.064)

That is true. That is very true. So I could have come at it a bit naive. I tend to be a super high optimist and that has served me in so many ways. But occasionally it doesn't serve me in how I'm like, I'm just gonna jump and make 150 in three months.

 

Rachel (13:44.58)

Yeah. So how did you tackle that? Like how, what were some of the things that, tools like from your own coaching and your own experiences that you were able to implement for yourself to figure out how to do some of these things?

 

Kara (13:55.552)

Well, you know, one thing that I talk about is quieting your inner critic. So I do a masterclass on that. I know you were interested in talking about that. And, you know, that's looking at and we had discussed it before before the start of the podcast. This is great segue. Looking at, say,your 15 years in. Right. Because you, Rachel, you have an incredible website. You have your marketing is down like it is down to the science. It is beautiful. The words flow. The words make me want to sign up.

And just the way you are and how you word your services and also the ability to say, this is my price point, this is the investment. And the way you say it is wonderful because it just comes across to the person reading it that, “wow, she's worthy, she knows the ROI of this investment and I am so respectful and I want to jump in.” I love your website and I love what you post on LinkedIn. 

So it's… quieting your inner critic in this situation would be like me comparing my first year in infancy to your 15 years in like having practice doing the marketing and being like, ‘oh my gosh, like I could never do that.’ You know, I could be very judgmental of myself. So, you know, it's all about changing your perspective, like just little tweaks, just little mindset tweaks, like just reminding yourself like ‘I should not compare my first year to somebody else's 15th year, right?’ And then also I had a mentor when I first got into this work, had a mentor who said, yeah, I'm publicly in a conference and I loved it. He said, when I first started this work, I realized that I had a very well developed judgment muscle. And I love that because it's so true, you know, and I, I, all of that spoke to me because I was like, I have a very well developed judgment muscle.

 

Rachel (15:24.58)

Yeah.

 

Kara (15:48.448)

And so now...

 

Rachel (15:49.86)

Like in the context of like self judgment or looking at other people or just in general? Okay. That's really interesting. I haven't ever thought about it that way. That is a muscle we've exercised a lot in our lives.

 

Kara (15:53.6)

In general, yeah.

 

Kara (15:59.2)

Yeah, yeah, and it was a exactly. Yeah. So that that's how it hit me because I was like, oh, wow, if I don't use it, I'll lose it. So versus if, you know, you keep working on building your muscle and using it, your muscles going to going to increase. So I have really practiced the art of not using my judgment muscle. And when I so I'm very, very aware when like the judgments come through. So this is part of the quieting your inner critic.

 

Rachel (16:14.02)

Yeah.

 

Kara (16:27.424)

It's like first thing awareness, which I think you talk about a lot. You have to be aware first. So you're aware of your judgment. And most of us aren't aware of our judgment to other people or even ourselves. Usually we're more aware of how we're judging other people than we are of judging our own selves.

 

Rachel (16:44.324)

I think that's absolutely true. And we can be way more harsh on ourselves than we can on other people. Like, it's so easy to look at someone else and be like, oh, yeah, that's fine. They're good. And then we look at our own and we'll find the tiniest little crack. Even you talking about my marketing, because I have marketed for multimillion dollar entrepreneurs and have executed these really extensive things with massive teams and I'm a solopreneur, you know, I have an assistant and I have you know, some contractors that I use a little bit, but like I have done a tiny fraction for myself of what I've done for other people. So even while you were saying that, my brain was going, ‘oh, yeah, but there's so much more I could be doing.’ Yeah.

 

Kara (17:27.104)

And that’s the nature of the high achiever brain, right? But it's also the nature of being human. You know, once we reach a goal, you know, we always desire more, right? We always desire like, how can I make it better? But I love how you, you balance that with, you know, yes, but what else, right? What else than like that? And I love what you do for your clients and what I've heard on the podcast. And when you've been on other podcasts, like how you do that, and you like intersection of, yes, you want more.

 

Kara (17:55.072)

But what about the other? What about the entire picture?

 

Rachel (17:58.692)

The whole picture. Yeah, I love this idea of, and I'd love to talk more about it because I don't know that much about what's behind it. I just know from my personal experience, this sort of idea of insatiability. I have a quote, it's on the wall, it's behind my computer. Like I can see it from here. I think it's from Danielle Leporte and it says, ‘I hope you're insatiable.’ And then she goes on and writes about like, every time you reach something, you're going to know that there's something more and something more expansive and that you just keep going. And I also have a memory of a person in my life being like, ‘oh, you're never happy with anything.’ And so finding that balance, like what is that drive in us that makes us go, ‘yeah, I got that and now I'm ready for the next challenge’and how to kind of find the balance between those two things.

 

Kara (18:49.152)

Yeah, well usually the people who asks, are you never happy with any, that's a reflection of their own judgment in saying, because your achievement and you're going after your desires, really it triggers them and reminds them that they are not. So usually they'll say something like that. Yeah, they'll say something like that. 

 

Rachel (19:05.316)

That is an interesting reflection for sure. Yeah.

 

Kara (19:12.544)

Yeah, you know, whenever anybody says anything in terms of that, like are you too, you're being too sensitive or are you're not, you're never happy or you're never satisfied. It's really a reflection of how they feel in their life. So it's not about you. So yeah, because you know, what you're doing is you're expanding, right? And that's what we're supposed to do in this, you know, this one gift. We, one precious life we have as humans, we're supposed to expand our greatest potential, right? We're always expanding. It's in our nature to reach our goals, but want something else, right?

I mean, and before I did this work, I didn't realize that. So I would always say things like, ‘God, just let me get my PhD and then I'll be happy. I won't want anything else again.’ And it's not true. Once I got my PhD, I was like, let me get the best fellowship I could ever ask for. And then, yeah, so you just, yeah, you're meant to expand and sometimes we can judge ourselves for it. Like, because we are picking up on what other people are saying based on their own insecurities.

 

Rachel (20:13.476)

And there's this paradox too of like you of trying to learn how to be satisfied with what you have and the experience that you're having and also continuing to expand that the both can the two can coincide that they're not mutually exclusive.

 

Kara (20:31.008)

I agree. I agree. But let's dissect it like, what do you mean by satisfied? Because I think what you mean by satisfied is a much more expanded satisfied than like kind of like the regular vernacular of like satisfied. Because sometimes you can equate satisfied to like giving up or being okay or mediocre. But I think that you using satisfied is an expanded like view of satisfaction.

 

Rachel (20:54.308)

Yes, that's great. Okay. So when I say satisfied, what I mean is a level of internal fulfillment. A level of like joy and happiness and integrity that is a result of being able to look at all the things that we're having and doing and experiencing and feel like wanna use the word satisfied (laughing) and feel a sense of, I think "fulfillment" is the word, right? And so I can feel fulfilled and still go and still be aware that there are other things, right? I'm not, I don't feel empty. I'm not chasing it. I don't need it to be happy. I can feel fulfilled or feel satisfied. And at the same time go, ‘and there is more that I want to experience.’

 

Kara (21:56.)

Yeah, no, I love that definition. And I, for me, that definition sounds like an extraordinary life. Yeah.

 

Rachel (22:02.18)

Right? It's not this idea of complacency of like, ‘okay, I did enough. And now I'm just going to sit on the couch and watch Netflix.’ I don't know. Yeah.

 

Kara (22:13.856)

I love that. How did you come up with your three? Like in your work that you've done? Yeah.

 

Rachel (22:18.564)

With the impact, profit and pleasure? Oh, good gosh. I don't know. I have to think. I feel like it came over time. I think that I had experiences of working with entrepreneurs who.. I had a lot of experience of working with people who were really passionate and really wanted to have a massive impact. And… they, in order to have that impact, they really believed that they had to hit certain revenue goals in order to be able to then have that impact. And so what would happen is they would get so distracted and so focused on the revenue goal and top line revenue in particular, that they would, like years could go by and they weren't making any progress toward the impact goal. 

And while they were doing this, their whole personal life experience was really suffering and often their team, because usually I was part of the team or consulting and connected with the team in some way, that the team was suffering too. And so I was like, well, you say you want to have this impact, but you're solely focused on profitability. And then there's this whole other area that is really just suffering across the board. And then on the contrast to that, when I was working with people who weren't focused on the revenue, who were solely focused on impact, there are a lot of particularly women who are helping, who are healers, who are teachers, who feel some yuckiness around the revenue side of business and will give and give and give and give and not charge or not charge enough. 

And I found myself often kind of in, when I was coaching people that were earlier on in their business, that there was this sort of like desperation, of like, I can't keep doing what I'm doing because it's not making money. But I know so deeply in my heart that this is what I'm meant to be doing. And so again, it was just like, okay, well, don't go focus entirely on making money and forget the impact you're trying to have. And also you can't keep doing any of these things if you're burning out all the time. So there really has to be this balance of the three.

 

Kara (24:37.632)

I agree. You said some beautiful things there. You know, one about, you know, what happens to the whole team if the leader has, you know, their focus has been skewed, right? And I mean, it just one bad apple spoils a bunch. Well, one bad leader can just really break down a whole work culture.

 

Rachel (24:52.612)

Absolutely. And I don't know, because I know you work with companies sometimes and you have all this experience with these large organizations. Have you seen or have you experienced a case where I feel like I'm setting this up because like, of course you have a case where that person in the leadership position, even if they're focusing on that for themselves, they have a quality of life, but their employees, their team, their contractors don't.

 

Kara (25:19.872)

Yeah, oh, you mean like, you know, they've decided to have balance, but then they expect their employees to not have balance? So somewhat, but okay, I have not experienced that. But what I've experienced is that, but if you have, I can't wait to hear about that, because that would be an interesting case study. What I usually experience is that there's a leader who, like you said, has skewed their focus. They originally came in for like the, because I was in public health for most of my career. So, you know, they came in with this desire to help people, right?

And they got so focused on like getting things done and like the top line, you know, in public health, it's not profit, but it's like getting everything done, you know, that, you know, the, you know, top down from the White House to, you know, what the needs are of the citizenship. But so getting so focused on that, that they don't have a work life balance and then they expect their teams to do the same thing. And then that just erodes the team because they're like, it's just a culture of stress and chaos is what I always call it when that leader is just focused on that one thing and their personal life is just out of whack. Because then they can't understand why their team members might want to take a vacation.

 

Rachel (26:28.484)

Right. And they can't perhaps understand why people leave their team or quit and go do other jobs and they're having to replace people or people are getting sick a lot. Like there's all these ramifications from having an environment that works that way that most people can't see in the day to day. It's like it hits some point down the road where all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, why are we hiring a new person again? Or why does nobody ever work out in this role? Like that kind of mentality.

 

Kara (26:53.28)

Yes, exactly. So that actually got me very, very interested in the work that I do in increasing workplace culture, like positivity. Because I just saw what happens when like this one leader, you know, just doesn't have that balance and what it does to a whole team. And then if you're working in the world of profits, you know how that just just blocks your revenue stream, right? Because, you know, yeah. But I want to hear. OK, yeah, go ahead.

 

Rachel (27:13.188)

It does, it does. It does. It absolutely affects the bottom line for sure. That's what I was just going to say. That's, that's part of this thing that I've seen so much. And it may be, it's very unique to the entrepreneurial space and, and really in the personal development space, coaching wellness in there, because a lot of the thought leaders in this space are teaching and investing in their own growth. And if they are doing that, and then so focused on the profits. What I've seen many times is a culture where contractors are disposable. It's like, we just get this person in to do this thing and then if they don't work out, there's a lot of turnover and a lot of sort of, the entrepreneur is so excited about what they're doing and so committed to it and they'll work 24 seven for it. 

And then, you know, they have a team of employees or contractors that then feel like they have to keep up with that as well. And the leader is often investing really heavily in their own personal well-being and their growth. They're going on retreats and masterminds and sort of all these things that we invest in in the personal development space, but not recognizing that the culture of their team is that they have a bunch of people who are glued to their computers all day and don't get paid vacations and don't have time off. And, you know, kind of all of those things.

 

Kara (28:39.136)

There's the contractor piece there though, right? Because if they're contractors and they're technically not part of their team, so they don't feel, I guess, the responsibility that I think that they would if it was their real team. And plus in the, not to break it down and reduce it to such superficiality, but it's also there when they're talking about the culture of their team, they don't have to talk about the contractors.

 

Rachel (29:02.596)

Yeah, that is true. And what I've seen people do really well is to understand that to be able to have contractors is a gift. As an entrepreneur who's getting started, you can't maybe afford to hire full-time team members and all the things that go with that, the unemployment, the insurance, the health benefits, like all of that is expensive. And you probably don't need full-time people in all the roles.

And so it can be a mutually beneficial relationship, but often it's very predatory. It's something I feel really passionate about.

 

Kara (29:40.96)

Yeah, no, I can tell definitely. Yeah, it also, you know, I haven't witnessed it myself, but it sounds a bit hypocritical, like the person.

 

Rachel (29:49.188)

It does. And it's one of the things that I feel like really called to bring attention to in those, like you said, like when you're talking about a team environment, that is your team. Your team is the guy who just edits one video a week because that's, you know, because that's otherwise the work doesn't get done, you know? Yeah.

 

Kara (30:09.824)

Exactly. I love the passion for this. Are you gonna do something about it? Are you gonna start speaking on it? Cause I, maybe, yeah.

 

Rachel (30:15.748)

Perhaps. I speak a lot about it behind the scenes, but I haven't been super vocal out in the world about it. So yeah, perhaps. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I like that suggestion.

 

Kara (30:21.088)

Okay, maybe we should start with a podcast episode just about it. Yeah, because you're an awesome speaker. Like the talks that you've given that are available on YouTube, because you're in Texas. I miss Texas, but I'm not there, so I can't see you in person. But what's on YouTube? You're an awesome speaker, so I think you should find a speaking gig and talk about it.

 

Rachel (30:46.692)

Well, you are, thank you and just be happy that you're not going to be here for the Texas Heat this summer. You won't, you don't miss that part. I know you don't.

 

Kara (30:53.888)

Oh, well. No, no, I don't. But like from November to March, you know, I do miss Texas quite a bit.

 

Rachel (31:03.3)

Yes, yeah, yeah. So let's go back to this quieting the inner critic and this kind of imposter syndrome topic. So what do you think is behind it? What is at the root of that when someone is being hypercritical of themselves or they feel like they just don't even belong in the room?

 

Kara (31:23.872)

Worth, they don't know their worth. And that's a big buzzword now because Jamie Kern Lima just put out an incredible book, Worthy, I love her story. So now people are talking about worth, which is wonderful because we need to start, that conversation needed to happen, especially for women entrepreneurs, right? Because we get in this space and you said something about you had your clients who were in the wellness space and they felt bad about charging, right? They're like, I am meant to do this work, but then they can't get the clients to pay them, right? And that takes an incredible amount of work to overcome that, especially when you're in kind of, we're socialized to think that it's selfish to ask for what we're worth, right?

 

Rachel (32:11.716)

And as women, we're really taught, I mean, I think most women have experienced this. I was really taught, like you take what you're given. Like I never learned how to negotiate or how to present myself and say, this is what I can deliver for you. And this is the value of that versus just like, what does this job pay?

 

Kara (32:33.504)

Yeah, exactly. And that's a great point because I forget what the exact number it is, but I know it's like, it's definitely 10 figures of how much women in this country, just this country, leave on the table versus men because we don't negotiate. We don't ask for that raise or we don't ask for that money that, you know, a man who, you know, it's just by socialization, which is so, so interesting. We could have a whole conversation about that, but they'll ask. They'll ask. And, and we won't until, unless we've done the work, the deep work.

 

Rachel (33:05.54)

Yes, yeah. And so I guess what is the deep work? Like how do you start to dig into that?

 

Kara (33:11.968)

Well, first, so, okay, I love, I don't know if you follow her, but Amanda Francis. Do you ever follow? Oh, she's incredible. She's called the money manifestation queen. She's fantastic. So I'm a bit woo woo in neuroscience. (Rachel: The combination of the two. I like that. Yeah.)  Like I love both. So, and yeah, yeah. And I love neuroscience because really when you think about manifesting and vision boards and things like that, it's really like how your reticular activating system, which have you heard of the reticular activating system?

 

Rachel (33:40.1)

I have, I could not define it for you right now, but I have, I've heard the term, I'm sure I've read it in a book somewhere.

 

Kara (33:42.144)

Okay, I love it. Yeah, a lot of my work is based off of it. So it is the filter in your brain that basically, if we're gonna talk about it in manifestation, it's how you manifest. So reticular activating system, let's say you decided you wanna be a part of something like, say you're interested in, what's a topic that you became interested in in the last year?

 

Rachel (34:09.316)

Like a human design. Yeah.

 

Kara (34:11.104)

Human design, okay. So have you noticed that you've picked up on like human design conversations or like human design things? Yes.

 

Rachel (34:17.732)

Like the stuff just starts showing up. You think it's just showing up, but maybe it's always been there and you just were tuning it out. You weren't aware of it. Okay, got it. Got it.

 

Kara (34:21.76)

Exactly, exactly. That's your particular activating system. A example they usually use.

 

Rachel (34:30.116)

And it's not just the algorithm on Instagram.

 

Kara (34:33.312)

No, it's not. Yeah, it's not just the algorithm. But yeah, so basically you have like a billion stimuli coming at you all at once, right? And if you felt all of that, like every individual sensation from the hairs on your skin, you would go nuts. You would go crazy. So your Reticular Activating System basically filters all of that. It filters everything except for what you want to create in your life and what you want to feel.

 

Rachel (34:57.988)

Okay, let's be clear on that. Is it what you want to create or what you're paying attention to?

 

Kara (35:03.008)

Well, so what you want to create in terms of if you did a vision board, if you took the time to do the vision board on Pinterest or, and I know you asked me a question about Amanda Francis, I will get to her, but so did the vision board or you wrote down your goals or you did a resolution or anything where you have actually put it out there that this is what I want, your reticular activating system is going into work to get you that.

 

Rachel (35:30.948)

And so if you're in the habit of doing the opposite of like looking for things, expecting things to go wrong or expecting bad news, then it would work in the same way. Right? (Kara: It would work in the same way. Yes.) So it's not only that you can shift in the direction of seeing and attracting more of what you want, but also if you're going in the opposite direction, like, you know, I don't know. It's a yes.

 

Kara (35:57.056)

If you're looking for the shoe to always fall or you're looking for the problem to happen, then that's what you're gonna see. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Rachel (36:01.156)

Yes. Yeah. Okay. This is brilliant. I love it. I love that there's neuroscience behind it because we can talk about it in sort of abstract, you know, even law of attraction kind of terms, which I love. But I also love that there's this other element of the science behind it.

 

Kara (36:20.384)

Yeah, because everything like Think and Grow Rich, if your audience, if you haven't read that, you have to read that. If you're an entrepreneur, you should read that. So Think and Grow Rich, Bob Proctor's work, and a lot of what Tony Robbins does, it's been a lot of coaching. It really is based on neuroscience and tweaks and reframing and shifts, but all in how we're thinking. And back to the worthy part, right? So Amanda Francis, she, her like, she has this book, it's because her name is Amanda Francis, it's kind of a play on her name. It's Rich's AF, right? So I won't say it on the pockets of my hand, I can't say it. But it's a, yeah, you love marketing, so I'm sure you'll find that. So she talks a lot about how you have to realize that your gifts are of high service and worthy of compensation. And she says worthy of massive compensation, which I love. So studying her work has really helped me to be like, ‘my gifts are of high service, worthy of compensation. These are my prices. This is my value. And this is, you know, what you are going to invest in to work with me because I promise you a great ROI.’ But like we were talking earlier, it's taken a lot to get there. So it has been a lot of study and practice in doing it. And like what your clients did, you know, for the first, I think, six months as an entrepreneur, people would say, ‘I can't afford you.’ And I'd be like, ‘I want to help you, what can you afford?’ And I would take like 90 % off and that just was not serving me. And I'm still making up for those times where I was just learning.

 

Rachel (38:01.828)

Yeah, it's an interesting conversation because there are so many aspects to it. One thing that I've seen in recent years that I hadn't really paid attention to previously, because I was mostly around for 15 years, I've worked mostly with women. My clients have been women. The companies that I've supported have been women owned and operated primarily. And the people I've coached under have been women. 

And this last couple of years, I invested in coaching with some men and being in some groups of men, male entrepreneurs. And the conversation is very different. The first time I was with a group and these guys were just throwing out numbers of like, oh, I closed a $14,000 deal. I mean, they're just like dropping these numbers. And I was so used to being around women who don't talk about the dollar amount at all. And it really reminds me of early in my career when I was working for a small regional coffee company and we were just sort of figuring it out. We were very creative. We never talked about money and I was in the senior management. And then I left and I went to work for a franchise. We talked about money every single day, all day, every penny, every fraction of a penny. And I realized like, ‘oh, this is this is why we weren't making money over there. We weren't talking about it. We weren't being specific.’ 

And so there is a huge difference I think between the way men often approach this and women and just to be able to have the conversation around it. Yeah, I don't know if you've seen that in your, yeah, in your experiences.

 

Kara (39:34.528)

I agree.

Well, to be honest, I have never been in a group coaching situation with all men. I think that was fabulous. Like, so I would… (Rachel: It's very different. It's very, it's interesting.)  Yeah, definitely juxtaposition because like you, I'm mostly with coaching with other women and yeah, so I'd love to like hear more, you know, juxtaposition, the differences. Could be a conversation for later. But where was I going? Yeah, so how do we, how do we… How do we help? How do we change that? What are your thoughts? Yes.

 

Rachel (40:08.516)

Yeah. The worthiness question. Yeah. I think it's something we're all working on. Most of the women I know are working on it. I also recognize that we attract people who are like us in a lot of ways. So I also can see out there a lot of women who don't struggle with that. And they have a different relationship to it. I think a lot of it comes from upbringing and sort of the messaging that we receive as kids and like “deprogramming” some of that stuff. And then I found for myself, it's really just been very experimental. It's been like testing the waters of like, you know, I've charged a price and then realized like, ‘oh, shit, I did not charge enough for this at the point when I'm already in it.’ And then, you know, the next contract comes, the next client, the next, you know, it's like, OK, I'm going to raise. 

And I've been where one time I pushed myself too high and then I felt internally that I had to then deliver twice as much, completely defeating the whole purpose of what I was doing. So there's, I think there's a level of doing the work to raise your set point like incrementally. And then there's a point where you're just like, yes, of course. And I also think there's an element of, you know, what are, what are you willing to pay and invest yourself? (Kara: That’s a good point) 

You know, and it is, and I feel very cautious about saying this, because I think there's a lot of, there are coaches out there who will say, you know, you need to know that you're worthy of this $20,000 investment, and that's why you should invest in me. And talk people and putting things on credit cards and all kinds of things that it really is a personal choice if you do it or not.

And I don't think it's that. It's not just the dollar amount. It's that of needing to get yourself in a place where you feel that you're worthy of an investment of this level and are willing to make that investment is then going to magnetize other people who are willing to make an investment and have that same kind of resonance. 

 

Kara (42:25.344)

I love how you describe that in resonance and like energy and like attraction because I agree with that a hundred percent. Yeah, it's all in like how you're vibrating and and then also something that I found really powerful and I teach this when I do sales training and I've gotten comfortable doing it and I love it, is the silence after you talk about the investment. And that's something that we're not very comfortable with as just being human, because silence, somebody wants to fill the silence, right? So, but when you say the investment and then you just let them decide, don't try to force it. Because I think about feminine leadership when I think about that, right? Instead of we're like, receive it versus don't push for it, right? Don't.

 

Rachel (43:16.996)

Oh, that's so great. I just had like the visual and the person that I was thinking of as you were describing that where I feel like I really learned this from is Rochelle Sheick, who I interviewed very early on in the podcast. She's the creator of Qoya, which is a feminine movement practice. And the first time I was in at one of her retreats, like in presence with her, her ability to just let a room sit for a moment, to ask a question and then just wait, and to just let there be these sort of breaths and these pauses, at first it made me really uncomfortable. 

And then when you think about that in the context of a sales conversation, it's like, are you pushing? Are you pushing and charging? Which to me is a major turnoff if somebody's trying to sell to me. And I'm thinking of like things happening in the DMs these days that are really like aggressive. I could do a whole podcast episode on that. (Kara: You should!) Please stop DMing me a pitch when you've never talked to me. But to just be comfortable, to like put it out there and then just like sit back and wait and… wait to receive, wait for the response instead of trying to push into the next step.

 

Kara (44:37.12)

Yeah, because by the time you've gotten to that point, if you've done what you're supposed to do, you've already built a relationship, right? Even if it's not a very long-term relationship in terms of how long you've been speaking to that person, but usually you've had quite a few touch points with them and kind of brought them along before you're there. And then you're able to, like, yeah, like you said, the power of just the silence and just receive.

 

Rachel (45:04.868)

Yeah, and that requires you to know your worth and to not be in your head with that inner critic of like, in that moment, it would be really easy to be like, ‘oh my God, what are they thinking? They hate me. They think I'm ridiculous.’ They're not gonna, you know, that to silence that inner critic and just be present and wait.

 

Kara (45:27.904)

Yeah, because if you're not present and you are doing all that internal talk, whether you realize it or not, they're feeling that. When you have that calmness of because you know your worth, then you come across that way.

 

Rachel (45:40.292)

Yeah.

That's brilliant. Okay, to wrap us up here. (Kara: Oh my gosh, this went by so fast.) Now you will, I know, time flies. You had this career, you were working like crazy. Your cortisol levels were high. You transitioned into coaching and first you went home and you learned to work in a quieter space and you got pregnant and now you have this business that you're doing on your own.

What are you doing for fulfillment, for fun, for joy, for satisfaction? What do you make a point of doing in your life?

 

Kara (46:14.432)

Okay, well first I do want to say one moment, because I didn't get to the catalyst of why it was like, I'm definitely jumping. So, because that's actually powerful because I'm sure other women who are listening are like, ‘wow, I feel like that and they want to jump.’ So I want to give them like the, ‘hey, yes, it's okay, do it, be brave, because you want a different quality life.’ So I was working, my daughter was, I think I was six months into coming back from work, from maternity leave. Federal government, great maternity leave 12 weeks, fabulous. So, but still that's, it doesn't feel long enough. Do you know in England, they give you a full year. Full year?

 

Rachel (46:49.348)

They do. So many other places have much more supportive systems that are better for women, better for children, better for everything.

 

Kara (46:56.48)

Yeah, we could talk about that for hours. So six months into coming back, I was working from home. It was working great because I could kind of be there with her. My childcare, she's amazing. She's one of my besties and she has a son and they're about the same age. So we really set up a really good childcare where she was home so I could kind of see her and if she needed to be fed, I could feed her. But my boss says, you have to be at this conference that's for three days and you will be away from your daughter.

And I had never been away from my daughter. I didn't wanna be away from my daughter. And I didn't like that somebody told me that I had to be away from my daughter. So I was like, ‘I wanna create a life where nobody gets to tell me when I can be with my kids and when I can't.’ So that was the real catalyst for me jumping. So if any woman listening, go ahead.

 

Rachel (47:42.276)

Yeah, I think that's great. I think, and I think that's so relatable for a lot of women, you know, who are just realizing like, oh my gosh, I'm raising these kids and I never see them. Like it's not, you know, this isn't the life that I want.

 

Kara (47:56.16)

Yeah, exactly. And I'm being told that I can't see my kids or I can't be there when I want to be. And yeah, so for any woman listening, you can do it. You can create the schedule you want. So what do I do for fun? Well, first of all, I have a very supportive partner. We flow very well in our parenting and we both are very much mindset and wellness focused. So we have a great partnership in terms of I get to work out every day and he gets to work out every day. So we hand off little E in certain times in the morning. So I'll get to do yoga or run and I get to journal too, which is great. So I get about an hour to myself and he gets about an hour to himself in the morning and it really helps us start our days, right? And then I don't see my bestie Claudia to pick up little E until about 10, which is perfect. So I work between 10 and four every day.

And then, so we also, we like a bit of adventure. So we're climbers and we're hikers. So I make sure to get out and do that. And then also, to be honest, you're gonna laugh. I love grocery shopping. (Rachel: Oh my God. I, yes, continue. I feel it. Yeah.)

 

Kara (49:13.152)

I love a trip to Whole Foods. I could spend a whole day there and it fills me up. And just being around all that health, it's just something about the grocery store and thinking about all the things I'm gonna cook.

 

Rachel (49:25.188)

Yeah, I totally feel that. And I remember when all of a sudden everybody's getting their groceries delivered and I just thought like, why would you do? I love going to the grocery store, particularly if it's like Whole Foods and just like wandering the aisles. And like, I want to pick out everything myself. Like it's a really sensory experience for me that I love. I totally appreciate that. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Awesome.

 

Kara (49:46.944)

You get me. Yay. Okay. So that, yeah.

 

Rachel (49:53.988)

Well, thank you so much. Is there anything, where can people find you, I guess? Is there anything, any links or anything to send people to?

 

Kara (49:58.56)

Yeah, great. So, yeah, and I'll send you a link. I have a free downloadable to people like starting the journey of finding their extraordinary life. You know, some people don't even ask themselves, what do I want? Like, what do I want my life to look like? So if you're there and you're ready for something different, like, let me send you my freebie and I'll link that. And then also Dr. Kara Elam, like you can find me anywhere and on the socials. I am very, I'm new to Instagram, so… so you can follow my Instagram newbie journey to where I am now. And yeah, a lot on Pinterest, a lot on Facebook, but you know, getting my Instagram feed underneath me.

 

Rachel (50:39.076)

Awesome! Thank you so much for being here, Kara. This is great.

 

Kara (50:40.672)

You're welcome. This has been fabulous. I love you. You're just awesome. And yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, thank you.

 

Rachel (50:44.228)

The feeling's mutual. And we can talk about the climbing and all the things another time. We'll have a coffee date. Thank you all for listening. Until next time, I'm wishing you even more pleasure and profits. Take care.