The Power of Aligned Community - EP 020

Join me in this episode as I talk about the power of finding a like-minded community. I recently attended a retreat that opened my eyes to the incredible impact of surrounding yourself with people who truly see you and support you. I'll share how being with people who see the real you can help you grow and discover new opportunities.

Listen in to learn why building authentic connections is so important and how they can improve both your personal and professional life.

If you're looking to grow, reach your potential, build meaningful relationships, and be part of an aligned community, then this episode is for you. Don’t miss these valuable insights that could change the way you approach your journey!

Key Takeaways

• Surround yourself with people who have a clear vision of who you are and can support your growth.
• Authentic connections and relationships are valuable for personal and professional development.
• Finding a like-minded community can help expand your vision and potential.
• Aligning yourself with the right people is essential for personal and business growth. 

Episode Chapters

00:00 - Introduction and Background

03:14 - The Power of Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

13:13 - The Importance of Authentic Connections

19:17 - Expanding Your Vision and Potential

25:06 - Aligning Yourself with the Right People for Growth

28:35 - Conclusion

If you’re ready to have a deeper conversation about how to maximize impact, profit and pleasure in your business and life, you can schedule a time to connect with me right here >>> 

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Episode Transcript

Hello and welcome to Pleasure and Profits. I'm your host, Rachel Anzalone, and today I want to talk with you about the power of aligned community. And so I started thinking about this topic back in May, and I'm going to share with you what prompted my sort of deeper consideration about this back in May. But first I want to share a couple of other experiences with you.

First of all, I just returned from a three-day retreat in Santa Fe at the Modern Elder Academy, MEA. And the reason I was there at that retreat was that a really good friend of mine, Gabby Pelicci, won a writing contest that was created by the Modern Elder Academy and Chip Conley, the founder of of the Academy.

And so she won this writing contest, writing about her 50th birthday and what this time of transition is like for her. And so we went there to celebrate for her birthday, she won this incredible experience for her and seven friends. So eight of us all together. And we all flew into Santa Fe, and spent three days at the Modern Elder Academy learning from Chip and learning from each other, and just enjoying the beautiful space and the beautiful experience that is provided there. And it was really incredible. I highly recommend checking it out.

And so one of the things that was really interesting for me and the experience was that Gabby lives in Miami and that everybody else who was there were friends from Florida. And so most of them knew each other or maybe they weren't quite in the same circle, but they had connected over the years. So they sort of knew each other or knew of each other, had some understanding of each other's lives and experiences. And I was sort of the odd man out. I came from Texas, obviously, and I had only ever met one of the other women. And that was just for a couple hours one night at South by Southwest when Gaby was presenting there.

And so it was really interesting for me to be at this new location, having this experience with a bunch of people who I had never met before. And it was so incredible to come together and recognize that we were all having such similar experiences. Every time I engaged in sort of a one-on-one conversation with anybody in the group, what came about was the realization that we were so similar in so many ways that we had had similar experiences growing up where we had had, you know, we're having similar experiences in this transition time in our lives. And, and it was really cool. And the people that I met, it was Gabby, me, let's see, five women, five other women, and one man. And we had an incredible time together.

And I really enjoyed the experience. And on our last day when we were sharing in our circle with Chip, kind of our reflections and gratitude from the time, what really stood out for me was feeling, was sort of a level of awe of having shown up to this event. Not knowing anybody, feeling totally comfortable to just be my authentic self. And through the reflections that other people shared with me, feeling really, really seen, feeling like even though these people don't know me, they know me, they see me.

And it just was such a heartwarming experience to have that experience and to have sort of, the what other people see in me reflected back to me, which was a big theme of what we were doing. There was a lot of that happening. And so one of the other really cool things that happened was one night over dinner, one of the women posed the question to Gabby, I want to know why you picked me. I want to know why you invited me and each of us. And so we had this really beautiful conversation over dinner where we went around the table and Gabby shared with each person what it was that inspired her to invite them, like why they were the person that she picked to come along. And then they in turn reflected back why they love Gabby, why we love Gabby. I'm just realizing how much I'm talking about Gabby in this part. Gabby, if you're listening, I love you.

And so it really was incredible. What was cool for me in that moment was, you know, Gabby first was sharing with me like what, you know, what the things are about me that, you know, were the reason she wanted to invite me and, and, you know, effectively why she likes me. And as she was talking, everything she was saying were the exact same things that I would have said about her and was going to say about her. And so we just kind of had a laugh about that.

But also just that, you know, there are things that people see in us that we don't always see in ourselves. And I feel like this has been a really consistent theme for me lately. And this is one of the things that came out of that experience in May that I'm going to tell you more about, is how important it is to surround yourself with people who have a bigger vision or a clearer vision of you than you have of yourself. And how important it is to surround yourself with people who are emotionally mature and sophisticated enough to recognize what's their shit versus what's your shit. And to share wisdom in a way that is effective.

I have a really dear friend and I've had a few friends like this over the years where, you know, they don't just chuck advice at you. They say, can I offer something? Or can I coach you? Or can I share some loving feedback? And so often those things that we end up sharing in that way are things that each of us sees other people doing because it's also something that we ourselves do and we're trying to work on. And so it's really so powerful to be surrounded by people who help you to be a better person, who help you to be the best version of yourself and the biggest version of yourself.

And so I was at this event back in May. And first I have to tell you that I don't love going to live events. I think I might be over it now after these last couple ones. But A, I'm massively introverted. And I don't think I'm shy. Like I have no problem talking about personal stuff. I don't do well with small talk. And so, when you go to events, we have business stuff or personal things, you know, I've been to other personal retreats where there's this sort of level of like meeting new people and all the small talk happens first, right? And I find the small talk to be really tedious.

And so, I really struggle to walk into a room full of people I don't know and start small talk with strangers. And so I don't love going to events. I also find often the energy to be really, really overwhelming. My preference is to be in like small groups, more intimate settings than to be in big rooms packed full of people.

If you see me at an event or at, I do this at parties even, I like to find a job for myself. I'm a great party guest because I will wash the dishes in the kitchen for you while the party's happening. Just FYI, if you ever want to invite me to a party.

And because of the work that I do, I have attended lots of events as a participant, but I also have attended a lot of events as a contractor, as part of the team that was executing the event. And I feel a little bit like I've seen it all. And so this event was coming up. I will say I was not super excited about it, but I felt like I needed to give it a shot. And so, I sort of rallied my enthusiasm to go and meet a bunch of people and be in a room full of people and probably, you know, find myself in uncomfortable situations. And I just, I really just talked myself into it. And so at the event, wow, it was so fucking cool. It was, I'm going to say it was the best event that I've attended or experienced.

And, I'll say it was the best event for me from the place that I'm sitting right now. And so this is what I think is some really interesting insight to share is when you're signing up for events, really considering what it is that you want to get out of it. Events and trainings and programs and courses. And so there have been times that I have signed up for events, showed up with the intention of learning some sort of practical stuff or practical things like I'm going to walk away from this event or this experience having learned something that I can apply directly to my business or to my life and I don't think I have that expectation most of the time anymore.

So what I've found lately is that when I'm showing up for an event or an experience, it is way more common for me now to sign up and to show up, not really knowing exactly what's gonna be taught, not really showing up for like specific tactical training stuff, but showing up for the experience and the relationships and the connections, the insights that I'm going to get from it versus learning tangible tactical things.

And so showing up to this particular event, I don't even think there was an agenda. I think it was just like, here's sort of the basic start and end times and there will be lunch and breaks. I didn't really have any information on what the event was gonna be. And so what transpired, what it turned out to be was there was a lot of stuff being taught from the stage. There were a bunch of speakers, mostly shorter kind of talks or a few longer keynotes, mostly 10 minute talks, even some three minute talks, which were really fun, like rapid fire. And all of that was great. All that was, you know, interesting, relevant to, you know, people to whom it was relevant. You know, if you were looking to learn how to grow on YouTube or use LinkedIn or any of these sort of tactical business things, there was plenty of information and resources available for that. And certainly a room full of people who had so much experience that could share what they've done, what they've learned. And there was a ton of that kind of information.

And what was way more valuable to me was the relationships that I made in the room. And I would say it is typical for me to attend an event and maybe connect with a person or two that I really genuinely like that I really connect with. And that's not to say that there aren't great people in the room. It's just as I said, it's not my jam to go like work the room and make friends with everybody. Super introverted. I learned a long time ago that if I just set the intention of meeting a couple of the right people that it's going to be perfect and they're going to be the people are aligned with me and that that's what really matters, not collecting contact information from a hundred people in the room.

And so I laughed at this event realizing that I probably, had really interesting, meaningful, thoughtful, enjoyable conversations with like 20 people. And the event was constructed, designed specifically to allow us to do that and designed around the opportunity to go deep very quickly because that's the vibe of the room. And I realized that I wasn't really interested in the tactical stuff, which isn't, again, to say that there isn't value there. But I just know that there are 1,000 ways to do this thing that we're doing, entrepreneurship, online business, digital marketing, a thousand ways. And there's a point where you just have to say, like, I've learned enough and I just need to focus on the things that are in front of me and learning more and more and more tools and tactics and approaches and strategies and, you know, learning the latest and greatest all the time.

If you're into that and that excites you, that's awesome, but it also can just be really a distraction from focusing on one or two things that are really effective and powerful. And so I found myself sort of not, I found myself tuning out a lot of that kind of information and really zeroing in on who these awesome people were that I was hanging out with.

And so I walked away from that event feeling really inspired, really lit up, really excited and having the lid blown off of the vision that I had for myself and for my business. And I think it's part of, you know, I had taken a little bit of a hiatus from the podcast for a few months. I've been working on some other stuff and part of that I think was because I walked away from that event with my mind blown and to sort of just come home and go back to doing what I was doing didn't feel like the right thing to do anymore. And so it's been kind of a season of reassessing, but the impetus for that was this experience of being around people. Like I sat in a conversation that, you know, at first brush it was not super relevant to me. I just was really attracted to the vibes of the person who was giving the talk.

And so I was like, well, I'm not that interested in this topic per se, but I really like this person. I just kind of want to hear what their angle is and what they're about. And I sat there and listened to them talk about a topic that really genuinely is not that interesting to me. But by hearing them talk about their vision and what they were doing and how they were helping people, it was like sitting there listening, my mind was just expanding at how I could take that same, the same principles, the same energy, the same perspective and apply it to myself and to my own business.

And so I feel like I walked away from that experience of being with some really aligned and very, I want to say powerful, I mean, I just like, really, and not powerful, really empowered. Empowered is a better word to describe people who have really big visions for themselves and can see the same in others. And it was so important, so meaningful, so significant to me because, you know, and I think it's applicable to anyone and everyone because, you know, we can only see what we can see and we, I think we often lose perspective on where we are in the context of the environments that we're in, in the context of the impact that we could potentially have in the world.

And yet our own vision gets clouded by our own fears, anxieties, our past experiences, you know, our beliefs about ourselves, all of these things. And sometimes it's really incredible to have the insight of somebody who is looking from the outside to say, ‘No, I can see where you're going, just keep moving in that direction.’ And I find this often with my clients as well, that often they come to me and they're working on building their business in the way that they see everybody else building their business, which is of course what we're gonna do, right? We're doing a thing we've never done before. We're gonna look around and see what other people are doing and try to emulate that, try to replicate that.

And the thing is, is that sometimes we're looking at the wrong people and we don't even see our own potential. And I did this interview with Lisa Nichols a while back, and she shared in it that I had said this to her, and I remember this moment so clearly, that I said to her, ‘I don't think you're playing the game wrong, I think you're playing the wrong game.’

And that was a perfect example of somebody who, you know, she had been working in such a way, head down focused, looking at the people around her and trying to replicate digital funnels and marketing campaigns and business operations and strategy and all this stuff. But the people she was trying to replicate were not people that had her platform or her experience or her visibility or any of those things.

And what I could see was that there was so much more potential than what we were tapping into by just sort of following what everybody else was doing. And so like all coaches, and I don't really think of myself as a coach. I really am a strategist more than a coach, but we all need someone to push us in that direction.

And so, I was having a conversation even just earlier today with a good friend, someone who has become a really good friend and we were talking about how easy it is to do the things that we already know how to do and to just focus on those things and that we really sometimes need someone to push us, to focus on, shift our attention to the things that make us a little bit uncomfortable. And that's where the growth opportunity is.

And so when we align ourselves with people who see us, the true us, people we can show up authentically, be ourselves, that we are seen. I feel like that's such an important thing. And I know I just mentioned this about my experience in Santa Fe, but I'm just thinking about the times where I have been around people in groups and environments where it was just so apparent that the people I was around with didn't see me.

They were, you know, whether it's an employer, a client, a family member, a friend, projecting their idea of who you are onto you and not actually seeing who you are, or projecting onto you an idea of who you were 10 years ago or 20 years ago or 30 years ago and not really recognizing the person that you have become. It says more about who they are and where they are, than it does about who you are. And being able to recognize that, that it's not a flaw in yourself, that you're just not around the right people, is so important because it can keep us really stuck and really small.

And so surrounding yourself with people that you can be authentic, that really see who you are, that have the ability to see a bigger picture and a bigger vision for you and are willing and able to support you and encourage you in the process and who are emotionally mature enough and deep enough in their own work that they can look at their own shit and know that it's their shit and they can recognize what they see in you that they need to work on in themselves and openly communicate about that and not be saying or doing things that are holding you back is so, so, so important for any of us, for all of us who want to have big impact in the world to be able to go and create that impact in a powerful way.

And I know that it can be freaky and weird and uncomfortable when you start to recognize that there are people around you that aren't aligned, that don't fit this description, and then figuring out how to shift or transition, you know, whether it's ending those relationships or just buffering what you share and don't share, or working to find yourself the right people to surround yourself with so that you don't end up spending time around people just out of convenience or out of habit. This is how we grow and this is how we grow ourselves, this is how we grow our business, this is how we grow our impact.

And aligning ourselves with the right people could be so, so, so powerful for moving us ahead and for helping us to meet our potential. And I'm super grateful for the people in my life and the communities that I have found that fit that description and it wasn't easy. You know, I kissed a lot of frogs. I'll say that. I showed up to events, I signed up for programs and found myself surrounded by people who are not aligned, who are not my peers, who are not in the same place as me, who are not looking for the same experience as me. And, you know, sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on.

And I'm just super grateful that I think that, I think that I know that I'm in a season where I have found some really beautifully aligned people and I can feel the acceleration that that is having and the impact that it's having on me every day. And so I hope the same for you. I hope that you are making the time, making the effort to find the people who are truly aligned and supportive and help you to grow into all of your potential.

And so that's all for today. Until next time, I'm wishing you even more pleasure and profits. Take care and I will see you soon.